Photo ©Timothy Archibald
Described by Vanity Fair as “the latest in a long line of female pioneers who’ve helped America shake its reputation as the Land of the Repressed,” Nicole Daedone is making waves in all the right places.
Founder of Onetaste, Orgasm Meditation (also known as “OMing”), and author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm
A slow and meditative practice where a man strokes a woman on the upper left quadrant of her clitoris for 15 minutes, Tim Ferris has dubbed it “required education for every man on the planet.” Recently invited to speak at TED, Nicole’s work is hitting the mainstream. While feedback is polarised, it’s the negative feedback that shows how far, as a society, we have to go in even discussing female orgasm. (You can view the TED video at the end of this post).
I caught up with her earlier in the year, when Onetaste were preparing for the opening of the NYC hub. She shared some insight on the practice of OM and how it feels to be in the driving seat of sexual liberation.
“Orgasmic meditation” – the name itself is open to misinterpretation. What isn’t it? (let’s set the record straight!)
I’ll be sitting with [people] and they’ll say to me “So tell me about this diddling.”
What?!
With all earnest they’ll say: ”Tell me about this mutual masturbation practice you have.
It’s not diddling, it’s not mutual masturbation, it’s not foreplay.
It’s not sex as we know it.
The best example I have is [to explain that] yoga isn’t a workout.
The two domains that have most affected me have been meditative practice and yoga so it’s no accident that those [elements] are in there.
I love this idea of sexual mindfulness; it seems we’re being given the opportunity to slow down in many areas of our lives. Where does “slow sex” fit into a more “mindful” way of living; how does it enhance our experience of sex itself, our relationships, our lives, and the world around us?
It brings sexuality back to what sexuality really can be, and that’s a sanctuary in the world where you have the opportunity to connect with yourself and with your partner.
If I could say one thing to men especially it would be to slow down.
He would be an infinitely better partner in the sexual arena but beneath is the fact that slow sex is really this antidote to this kind of super fast, cortisol, testosterone, adrenaline, inner flight response that most of us are living in, and the kind of reactive response to the world.
You said to the NY Times: “I don’t think women will really experience freedom until they own their sexuality.” What does that mean?
I think as women we’re still in a place where, sometimes, we see our sex as a bargaining chip rather than as a chance or opportunity to deeply nourish ourselves; or as a commodity; so we withhold or we desperately try to get more; or we give in when we don’t want to.
There’s all of [these] reactive responses.
I was having an OM maybe 6 years ago (after years of OMing) and all of a sudden this voice rose and said “I’m free.” And what that meant to me in my body was two things:
One is that sex took it’s right place. It took it’s full seat inside of me but it also wasn’t this exaggerated form. That’s the first piece.
The second is that I felt like I would [not] have to do something in the sexual arena that I didn’t want to [ever again], and that I could if I did.
Credited alongside the likes of Estelle Griswald, Brenda Howard, Alice Walker and even Madonna, what does it feel like to be passed this torch?
It’s daunting and, by the same token, [in order] to actually live up to that name I can see how much there is to do.
That’s really where my focus is.
I don’t know that it’s given me an added vision but it gives it an added legitimacy and makes it that much easier.
It really is like digging in cement with a spoon; getting any movement in this direction [is good, so] it was definitely a boost.
As with all these women you have met with friend and foe, some accusing you of running a cult etc. Why do you think the practice of and principle behind OMing may pose a threat to some?
I think it’s basic human nature and I think it’s going to require a tremendous amount of education.
We don’t have a context in which to understand a woman opening her sexuality in a way that’s beneficial. And so when people hear about it, the only models we have are kind of strange and on the fringe.
Thinking about moving this into the mainstream in some way just sounds scary and that’s really where I see my work in educating, so that this isn’t a freaky weird thing but a clean, well-lit way to understand and exploring sexuality.
My prayer and hope is that enough people try OM [so] that it can speak for itself.
Nicole and Onetaste are still working on the ways to make this accessible, citing video as the most popular: ”People really want their first interaction with OM to be private, and at home,” says Nicole.
With TV characters like Samantha from sex and the city, and readily accessible prom, we don’t have many models for what real sexual liberation looks like, but in the practice of OM we have the chance to explore it of ourselves and experience the transformation in our own lives.
If you, like so many other online commenters, doubt that any man would bother doing this for 15 mins, or enjoy sex perfectly well without orgasm, you and your partner are the perfect candidates, because orgasm IS important, and your experience of life after it will prove it.
For information about classes, retreats, coaching, Dvd’s, kits and ebooks like OneTaste Stroking Basics, go to the Onetaste website.
